Don’t know what to do, I’m close to curling up again. I have nothing to do, nobody to talk to, nowhere to go.
I wish someone could put the joy of life back into me. I’m tired of this continuous cycle of getting better and then falling back into despair again. It’s tiring. I really want to just feel okay, know that everything is going to be okay, everything is – never mind everything, I’d settle with just knowing I’m going to be okay, that I’m not going to fall apart, that I will get better, that I won’t trudge through life just making it by. Alive, but not living. Unable to do the things I want to because I’m held back by my illness, my breathlessness, my bad lungs.
It’s not even that all the time, it’s the utter loneliness that comes over me in great waves of pure aloneness. They’re the worst days.
Life as I know it. 